Two posts, one week, no prisoners --

Okay, I said I wouldn't do this, but here's Canto 34 of Ziz. If you want to just read it, just read it. If you want to read me talking about it, see below.

This is the end of the first of three parts of the novel. As such, it's a kind of sub-climax. I think it's awesome, because it's all action all the time and that's something I never really do. There is a major plot event in there, or at least poor Bluto probably thinks it's major, but let's face it: you're not reading it because you're fascinated and want to know where it's going, you're reading it because you know the guy who wrote it. The reason I'm posting it here, instead of just quietly sending it to people like I said I would, is that I expect you to have the following conversation with your friends:

YOUR FRIEND: Dude, this guy you know is writing a book about a giant bird? In verse? What a d-bag.
YOU: Okay, first of all, no one talks like that in real life.
YOUR FRIEND: For true, bro. For true.
YOU: Second, read the thirty-forth chapter of his book.
YOUR FRIEND: Why's it called a canto?
YOU: Because Ram fucking thinks he's Dante Alighieri.
YOUR FRIEND: (reads) Oh, man! I totally get it now! This book is great! Secretly, I've been the head of a huge publishing house this whole time, and I would rather publish this book than have a million billion dollars. Do you know a way I could make that transaction happen?
YOU: (slyly and wittily, with a twinkle in your beautiful little eye) Actually, I think I do. I really think I do.

You see? Now I have a million billion dollars and your irritating fratty friend is publishing a book about a giant bird. Everybody wins.